Just UGH

I'm having a REALLY bad day today ... I'm just hoping that going to ATF tonight with my homies from the youth group (*tries to laugh*) will help me out a bit, cause seriously, I've almost never been more depressed.

In other news, I am sick, trying to fend off "brontasoratitus". Which I'm really hoping that it goes away FAST, cause the vocal auditions for the Spring Musical at my church is this Wednesday, and I can't sing, sooo yeah, I really don't want to miss out on that.

As I said before, ATF is tonight and tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited about that, cause Kutless is gonna be there, and they're one of my all-time favorite bands! I just hope that I'm allowed to go, what with having a cold and everything. Ughhh. =P

Well, that's that ... sorry for not posting in forever, I'll try to do that more often.

~ MeGaN
<33>

This is my JAMMM!! xD

Okay, COMPLETELY forgot to say that ...

*drum roll*

I am in the choir!!!! YAY!!!

We're singing this Sunday morning, and I am REALLY nervous! Plus in late Feburary, I'm auditioning for singing some solos ... now THAT is something to be scared about! xO

But I think I'll be okay ... *takes deep breath*

Anyways, the title of this post is because in choir last Wednesday night, our director was playing the songs that we were going to be singing, and me, Renee, and Nay's friend Kelly were talking, and when our director flipped on the next song, all of a sudden Kelly turned to face him and exclaimed "THIS IS MY JAM!" really super loud. Everyone was laughing, it was great!

So now every time our favorite songs come on the radio or something, we all are like, yelling "this is my jam!" It's fun, you should try it sometime!

Plus wayy back when, remember when I said that I was gonna break out in random dance and song in the middle of random places that are not my home? Well, I've done it! I hit the mall, Wal*Mart, Target, CVS Pharmacy, and Food Lion ... it was very entertaining, to say the least. xD

That about does it! TTFN!

~ MeGaN
<33>

((Has anybody noticed that Meg backwards is Gem? I just think that's cool! =D))

I hate to be late in posting this buuuuut ...

Okay, I am SUPERRRRR late in saying that January 4th was one of the best days in the history of the world ... Sam's birthday!!!!!! Even though he probably won't read this lol I just wanted to give a shout-out to one of my best friends ... you've been with me from the start, and I love you sooo much! Thanks for being there for me, I'll always be there for you. =)

Other than that, January's been pretty boring so far ... I haven't really done anything super-duper yet. But I can say that I have felt every possible human emotion there is to feel since 2009 started ... that's something.

Okiedokie, well you know how I said a while back that I kinda liked this guy from our church? Weeell, he's got a girlfriend, and I'm not really sure about liking anyone for right now, sooo yeppers. Which reminds me that I FINALLY became sociable, and now everyone in my class knows my name ... haha that's a BIG improvement, by the way.

So far the whole not dating thing is going smoothly. Well, no one has asked me out or anything, so obviously it's easy. But it makes it so much easier when there's no one you're crushing on, as I figured out the other day when I was thinking about it. So it's all good there! =)

And now I have a question ... have you ever had a gut feeling about something that could be the right or wrong thing to do, and you're completely not sure whether it's just you telling yourself that you should do that, or if it's really what you should do? Weell, would you do it just to see, even if it was something huge in your life, and it could seriously hurt you if it didn't work out, or would you walk away without taking the risk? I'm kinda facing that now, and I think I know what I have to do, but I'm afraid that it might just be me telling myself that it's what I'm supposed to do.

Urg. That bothers me.

OMGOSHHHHH I just remembered something! My mom is switching the plans on our phones, and when she does that, I'm getting a Rumor! Okayy, here's a picture so that you know what it looks like, just in case (it's a Sprint phone, by the way) ....

Whee! Super excited about that, considering I am sorta ashamed to pull out my phone now ... but I can't complain, cause we've had some good times together. *Nods solemnly*

I think that covers it for a couple uber exciting things happening in life at the moment ... blog ya later!

~ MeGaN
<33 xD

Random quiz timeee

Okiedokie, here's me at 1 AM, loading songs onto my iPod and taking random quizzes ... yepperz, it's another day in the life of Megan =)

Aaaaaaannnnddddd thanks a bunch to Emily and fantisyboy1995 for following my blog! =D

Where is your mobile phone? Good question ... xO
Where is your significant other? Probably sleeping =)
Your hair color? Really dark brown, but my family is convinced that it's really blonde haha
Your mother? Downstairs
Your father? Lord only knows =P
Your favorite thing? Love
Your dream last night? ... Odd
Your dream goal? Heaven
The room you're in? My bedroom
Your hobby? Singing/writing
Your fear? Spiders
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Singing hallelujah ;) (think Rachel, you'll get it =))
Where were you last night? Home
What im not? Evil
One of your wish-list items? If I told you, I'd have to kill you ... jk
Where you grew up? Bridgeport, PA
The last thing you did? Suggested putting on my baseball pajamas when there's a storm going on, setting up some bases in the backyard, and run around them as fast as I can while blaring "Supermassive Black Hole" ... hehehe
What are you wearing? Awesomee pajamas
Your TV? Dead xO haha
Your pets? Bark-y
Your computer? Slowww
Your mood? Eh, I'll live
Missing someone? Every moment of my life
Your car? Non-existant
Something you're not wearing? ... Wow ... I'm wearing everything!
Favourite shop? I don't shop
Your summer? *Sighs deeply*
Love someone? Always, with all of my heart
Your favorite color? Blueee
When is the last time you laughed? Right now, so I can say that I laughed just now =)
When is the last time you cried? Couple hours ago

I love random quizzes! =D Thanksies a bunch to fantisyboy1995 for putting it on his blog, and whoever invented it.

~ MeGaN
<33 xD

2009ness

Okay, I know, I know ... I haven't posted since LAST YEAR!!!! xO Wellllll ... a lot has been going on, actually ...

So far 2009 ain't so hot. But hey, it's just beginning, so there's plenty of time for awesomeness. =)

I don't do New Years resolutions, cause I never complete them, but since 12AM January 1st, I've made a big desicion. One that I wasn't counting on, but I feel strongly about. And unless God tells me otherwise, I'm sticking to it.

I am going to become an "Average Girl". Okay, I know what you're thinking: "Megan, what does that mean?" Well, I kinda used the title to an awesome Barlow Girl song called "Average Girl", that they wrote about their stand on not dating.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I, Megan, vow to not date.

"How are you going to do that Megan?"

Well, I'm just gonna live my life normally, as I've always tried to. And when the right guy comes along, I trust that I'll know when the time is right. I just don't see the point in being hurt anymore. I can't deal with pain. And losing someone that I truly and honestly love every month or so is something that I just can't do.

So that's my big decision. Like I said, unless God tells me that I am supposed to date a guy (and I mean GOD tells me this time, not MEGAN tells me this time!) I am from this moment on, and average girl. Love me or hate me ... the choice is yours. =)

Soooo. 2009. Wow. I think I'll make this simple and weigh out the pros and cons of 09 ...

YAY:

- Might be going to the movies on a "group date" this Sunday with some of my friends ... and Sam might be there =)

- (Looking ahead on this one, buuuut) I start driving in the summer!

ICK:

- I realized the other day that Renee graduates this year, and that makes me depressed to think about, cause I don't know how much longer she'll be with me! =(

- This Saturday, it will be exactly two months since I saw Sam ... I miss him like CRAZYYYYYYYYYYY

To be completely honest with you, I can't think of anything else. I feel like a fish ... FLIP! I'm okay ... FLOP! I'm not okay ... FLIP! Something awesome happens ... FLOP! Something horrible happens that makes me forget about the happy thing that just happened. And not like a fish that's near water that it can just flip right back in ... NOOOOOO ... a fish that's in the middle of the Sahara desert and has no where to flip or flop! And this fish is lo-ost if it's in the desert! Cause it is! And it's lonely!

But what if something happened that SHOULD make the fish feel like it's just been sent to a restaurant, but really, it puts it back in the water?

Okay, enough with the fish already.

What if something happened that I feel like I should feel like crap, but really, it's basically cured me and let me let go FINALLY of the stupid stuff I've been holding onto for months? And what if that involved ... oh, let's see ... just pullin' something random out of the blue here (where IS "the blue" anyways? Is that like the ocean or something? AHH ... NOT BACK TO FISH!) ... mayyybeee it has to do with ... mmm ... Jeremy getting married AND NOT TELLING ME?!?!?!!?

Haha. Yeah.

And I should feel like complete CRAP over it but, in all honesty, I don't. I actually feel ... OKAY ... about this. It's totally fine. And when I say "I don't care", I actually MEAN it, not like I just say it to cover the obvious fact that I do care ... cause I just ... don't. And that's new for me. I finally just let go, and I cannot BEGIN to tell you how free I feel!!!! I'm free to make a new start, to just forget everything and start all over. And that feels really good.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was one of the bestest days in the world, but you'll have to see the next post, cause I wanna make a special one! =D

Sunday we started a new Bible study based around the Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying". All morbid-ness aside, what if you were going to die at the end of this month? What would you do differently? Would anything change? What would you spend the rest of the month doing?

I have vowed to live like I was dying. Not just in January, but in EVERY month of the year. Because it's really important, and I think that has a lot to do with the whole "letting go and not caring at all" thing ... it's not my job to say anything at all, or know anything at all, or take any action whatsoever ... and now I'm gonna live like I was dying. Cause, well, I am. Every day it comes closer. I don't know when or how ... but all I know is that when it does happen, I wanna know that I lived like every day was my last.

And THAT is my one and only New Years resolution ... to live like I was dying. And if it comes that easy, then there should be no trouble keeping this one.

Loooovers you all!! =D

~ MeGaN

<33>