clean slate

www.historyissoyesterday.blogspot.com

I would give my iPod up for you.

Nate schmate.

I like being single. :p

But anyways, I am dedicating this post to the girls of my LHGH Sunday night class . . . I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!! If you ever get to read this, I can honestly say that I would give up my iPod for you. As you all know how musical I am, you probably know that's a biiig deal haha (;

love you love you love you love you love you love you love you LOVE YOUUU!!

MeGaN

My favorite jacket smells like Nate.. and I don't really mind.

Oh boy, me and the code names.

So yesterday was declared Megan Day, because it was so wonderful! (: First off, I had my vocal lesson at 7, and that went spectacularly . . . my vocal teacher is going to help me record my Gran's favorite hymn for her (long story, I'll explain later).

And then I went shopping with my sisters, to WalMart, and then Target.

BOOM >>> surprise numero dos. (;

I ran into "Nate", a friend of mine who I haven't seen since Summer Camp at my church last summer. It was really really nice seeing him again . . . I mean, REALLY nice. You know when you think about someone often who you haven't seen in forever, and then there's that serendipitous moment when you actually DO see them, and you're all "OMIGOSH, I missed you!!", but you don't really realize it until after the fact?

That about describes Nate.

And the title is sort of funny, but it came from riiight here ---> <3.

I hope that it's not that long till I see him again. And who can blame me? Cause the truth is . . .

. . . he still makes me wish I had said or done something to keep him around longer. I guess that makes him my boy of summer.

Oh GEEZ.

There's no hope for me.

M

"Alex"

Have you ever wanted beyond anything you can explain to say something to someone? What if that someone was a person you had never formally met before? And what if you'd give anything to save that person?

That's how I feel about "Alex".

I have no idea why I feel that way about him. I just feel this desperateness when I think of the state of his soul. People like him don't deserve Hell ... they just DON'T. People like him need a chance to save themselves from a terrible, cruel fate. It's frustrating, though, to see him, know where he is headed, and not be able to do anything about it. It keeps me awake at night. Literally. I am up praying and crying out for him nearly every night. I have NEVER been this desperately hopeful for a person's salvation before. It's weird. I feel like I'm missing something, like there's a good reason for this insanity I'm putting myself through. Does any of this make sense? It doesn't really make any to me.

I've written songs. I've cried. I've prayed.
Now it's your turn, Alex.
Please don't neglect what's chasing after you every day. It DOES affect you. It SHOULD affect you. And there's no one and nothing that can get in between you and God ... so don't be afraid. I think I get it a bit ... there's a lot of people who would be disappointed in you. Like, for example, everyone who supports what you believe in now so firmly. A family tree doesn't make you who you are. Anyone could get past that. And what a victory that would truly be!

Help me out. Don't give up. And you'll probably never read this, but I love you like I already know you. And if you don't ever give up, or give in, and never surrender, then someday, I WILL get to meet you.

I'll never stop praying for you.

I love you,

M

Like Sherlock & Watson

So tomorrow I might be going to see Sherlock Holmes with Sam and some other people. I'm hoping beyond hope that I'll be allowed to go!! Things aren't looking so good so far, but I'm still holding onto hope.

Am I crazy for missing him so much? I don't know.. sometimes I feel like I should just let go for a while. Then again, I've tried that, and.. well.. you've seen just how well THAT worked. :P

The thing is that I believe we're just as close as we've always been. Mere time shouldn't have changed that, right? We were always friends. ALWAYS. That's what it feels like at least. I mean, on Monday he turns 16, and it feels like just yesterday we were turning 12. That somewhat floors me. We've known each other since we were 10. That just seems pretty awesome to me.

It's not like I wouldn't care as much if I didn't have feelings for him either. (I've never really known what it's like to not have feelings for him, but you get the picture ;]). We're just.. something. I can feel it. Best friends no matter WHAT. We're like Lucy and Mr. Tumnus. Like Bella and Jacob.

Like Sherlock and Watson. ;]

M

''I keep running into trees!''

So for Christmas we received a Wii, along with Animal Crossing: City Folk. Which, by the by, is AMAZING. :] Hannah and I have been playing the version for DS for about a year, so we know EVERYTHING, and Renee and my mom have absolutely no idea what they're doing. It's hysterical! Renee keeps trampling all my pretty flowers, and my mom keeps running into trees. (Hence the post title :]). She is like a tween when she's playing. It's both entertaining.. and a little frightening. Haha. She has managed to destroy three patches of flowers (OK compared to Renee's five, the stinker), buy a house near the beach, and befriend a pink dog named Cookie.

Mmhmm. She's lost it, folks. XD

Renee keeps calling me a ''closet blonde'', cause the highlights I got over the summer are coming through the dark brown, reddish brown and black (yes, my hair is like 6 different colors right now XD), so now it's turning gold in some places.

My mom still calls me Meggie.

Hannah calls me Renesmee.

Renee calls me a blonde.

I think I like Renesmee better. ;P

M

In my 15th year of life ...

I'm not going to start this out by saying ''OMIGOSH this is gonna be the best year ever!''. No sense in jinxing it ;]. I'll just have to make the best of whatever this year throws my way.

So. 2010. WOW.

As I sit here and think back on the previous 365 days, I realize that I tend to dwell on the negative. Which is out-of-character for me, being the optimist that I normally am. My mind takes me to all the places I wouldn't normally go, like Renee's graduation or March. I'll be honest: March was one of the worst months of my life.

But then I realize that though 2009 certainly wasn't my favorite year, it was most definitely one of the most important. I learned things in 2009 that I believe will help me in the future. Sure, it took a lot of tears and heartache, but anything that's worth anything is a fight.

And it's worth fighting for.

Happy 2010 everybody!

M

”You can't trust vampires. Trust me.'' -Edward Cullen

MRRRRRRRR.

How evil of me.

Here I am, laying in bed, trying to sleep, and suddenly I sit up, gasp, and realize that I have not blogged since August.

Well. BOO ME. :P

So. How has life been? Everything's been good over here ... between you, me, and whoever else in the world reads this, my life's been kinda indescribable lately. Not like it hasn't been uneventful. Nopers, the drama, giggles, blood, sweat, and tears of life still exist. Buuut, it's hard to put everything down on ... virtual paper, ya know? Aroogulahh. I need a blogging shrink or something. Hah. :P

Mmhmm, so the orchestra thing didn't happen. But I'm cool with that :]. Just wish I could be more involved with music than I already am.

Oh. One major new thing going on for the next 300+ days ... I'm 16 years old as of December 21st :]. Purdee exciting actuallyyy. :D

So, you know how someone once said that being away from those you love for a while only makes you love them more, and it makes you happy in the end? Well. That person was SICK and TWISTED. Haha. But seriously now. I am going out of my mind here. If it weren't for the random texts and emails, I would begin to wonder if they ever really existed. Especially him. It's been 7 months ... it might sound crazy, but I can't think of him. It makes my heart hurt.

I think I finally get Bella in New Moon. The only differences being that my ''Edward'' isn't a vampire (well, last I heard he wasn't XD), Bella and Edward were thousands of miles apart ... he and I are 25 minutes apart, and I don't have a hot, buff werewolf friend to help me commiserate. Ugh. Boo you Bella Swan. BOO. YOU.

Is it weird of me to miss him this much? Augh. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.

HEY! I think I'm getting the hang of blogging again! I should do this moment of venting onto virtual paper more often, no? :」

And with that, I bid ye goodnight and pleasant dreams. :」

M

HAN: "what's up Meggie?" MEG: "I JUST finished writing my first real breakup song ever. How's THAT for closure?" XDD

Ahhh yes. The insanity of song-writing. :)

CURRENT DILLEMAS IN THE LIFE OF ONE MISS MEGAN BRITTANY ...

- I currently have $3.72 in my possession and need $7.38 more for dance class tomorrow night. Shoot.
- Vacation is JUST around the corner and I am broke and will see many things I want to spend moolahh on. Double shoot.


But these and many other issues that I don't feel like naming are no biggie, because after all, for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic. :)))

Which reminds me that I am now officially addicted to Paramore's "Riot!" CD ... it's quite amazing. Check it out. I mean it. GO. NOW! :) juuuuust kidding, you can stick around for a bit more if you'd like:))

Songwriting, as you may have noticed, is going pretty darn amazingly ... I'm finding that my music is maturing along with me, and I really like that. It's not always about "boy meets girl and they fall in love" or "it's all hours of the night but I can't sleep cause I can't live without you". Music is all about expressing who you really are. If I write a song, and it teaches you nothing about me, how I feel sometimes, or what I'm thinking about, then it's pretty pointless. I like music I can relate to ... and I find that the best way to find one of those songs is to mess around on the piano until you find a key combination you like, add lyrics, and POOF! You've got yourself a song:)

^ ^ sorry for my rambling ... hmmm ... that should all be a song itself ... haha:)

Speaking of music ...............

I'm one foot in the door for percussion in my church's orchestra!:DDDD I am TOTALLLY stoked about that, because rhythm and I are bestest buddies. I'm also considering becoming a drummer ... like, outside of Guitar Hero lol ... what do you think? I wanna learn everything from the ground up, so that when I get the stuff to start recording my music, I'm ready and roaring to go!:)

So, last Friday I FINALLY made it to dance class! It was INCREDIBLY fun, and tomorrow night, we're learning how to do clogging! (And, um, that actually doesn't have much to do with clogs ... more like wooden elf shoes with silver tappy things on the bottom of the heels and toes lol ... we watched a demonstration of it last Friday, and it was AMAZINGLY fun-looking! So I will be taking that up tomorrow night ... I am soooooooo happy that I finally made it!:DDD

btw: Polka = THE BOMB!!!!!:DDDDDDDD

Me and Rachel had a sleepover after dance class at her house ... it was soooo much fun!! We were up until like 6 in the morning haha ... I'll do that again ANY day!:)))))

I also can't wait for ballroom dancing again, because sadly, Sam and his family were on vacation (erm, not sad for them, obviously lol) and so couldn't come:( buuuuut I'm really hoping that me actually showing up and going regularly might be an incentive for him to come too ... getting to see almost all of my bestest friends EVER would be quite a treat. :DDDDDDD and, of course, that might mean getting to dance with the one guy who makes my heart stop beating ... ;)

I should probably stop before I go rambling again. HAHA

peaceee<3outttt

luvv,

MeGaN
<33>

back to Megan's childhood!! ((part one)) :]]

BEHOLD;; Valley Forge Park ... just ten minutes from where I grew up. I sat with Renee on those logs about seven years ago. Crazy, innit? :]]

It's AMAZING to see everything now ... next time we journey to Pennsylvania I wanna make sure I have my camera ready to go so I can share with you some of my more special places in the little town of Bridgeport, PA :]]] I don't know if I've said this before or not, but my grandparent's house is JUST up the street from the house in which I spent the first ten years of my life. Me and my mom were on our way to the wedding my dad was in ((Renee and Hannah decided to stay back with Gran and Pop)) and someone came walking out of our old house. So I, in all my Megan-ness, turn to my mom and say "That man just walked out of our house!!". Haha. I'm strange even to myself sometimes. XD

The ride home was interesting to say the least. It involved me and Renee having a very deep conversation in pirate about Kraft singles, Hannah randomly waking up from her slumber and singing a few bars of whatever song was on at the time and then falling right back asleep again, and me yelling "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!" at the rest stop. Oh yeshhh. Our road trips are interesting to say the least. XD

Honestly, the only low note to the entire trip was coming home to find that our house had been taken over completely by FLEAS. Seriously. It was SUPER icky!! I sat on the couch after unloading the van and saw a flea on my leg, so I picked it off only to be distracted by three other ones down to my feet, where there were fleas all over my socks and ankles. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!! We set a pest-killing bomb off in the living room that night. Haha. That did a LITTLE bit of good ... we can sit on the couch without having to pick dozens of fleas off our socks. :]]

Sooooo vacation is coming up :]] ... we spend the first week of September in Nag's Head ... it's AWESOME there! I can't wait!! :DDD

... and that says it all :]]

peaceee:]]outtt

wuvv,
~ MeGaN
<33 XDDD

when you love someone more than air, every breath makes you think of them:)

:DDDD

Yes. You must be thinking one thing right now, looking at this blog post ...

MEGAN IS BAAAAAACK!:D

haha. Sorry if I'm wayyyy off there.

you MIGHT be thinking ''DARN THAT MEGAN BRITTANY FOR MAKING ME WAIT SO LONG FOR ANOTHER BLOG POSTY!! GRRRRR!!!!!!"

...

I hope that's not what you're thinking, to be honest. XD

So, what's up??? I've missed you all! I've got a LOT of catching up to do both on my own blog AND on everyone else's. Hopefully, all you blog-crazy bloggers haven't written TOO much in my absence.

Oh who am I kidding. I'll be sitting here all night!!:)

So let's cover one topic at a time, shall we?:)

-------------

RENEE'S GRADUATION...

That was a while ago, and lemme tell ya ... it was BORING!:) Buuut I did stand up when she got on stage and yelled, as loud as I could: "I LOVE YOU NAY-NAY!". Haha. She lectured me for that one. Just kidding:)
There was ONE drawback on that, and that was the presence of her ex, then bf, now ex again. Geez. I do NOT like him AT ALL. I'm really praying that they're over for real this time, cause I'd hate to see her get back together with him, for more than the reason that I don't like him, all of which are personal.
Overall it was sad, happy, fun, boring, made me wanna sleep, and musical ((I listened to my iPod for letters C through G:D haha)). That night Nay and I stayed up until 3AM, just talking. About EVERYTHING. We haven't done that in forever. It was nice:)


WRITING...

On a writing note, I have completed ((but not yet edited)) by NaNoWriMo novel, entitled ''Star Breather''. If you wanna read it, check out www.mng1starbreather.blogspot.com. ((If that link isn't correct, just go to my blog list and click on Star Breather.)) I probably already said that, so if this is the second time, then I apologize:)
I am currently behind on ALL of my writing except for ONE storyline, because ... erm ... OKAY, I'LL SAY IT!!!! I broke my computer. Yeshh. NEVER pull a wire out of a computer tower if you can't get it out at first. Grrrr. It's terrible. I've been without a computer for months now. So I am currently working on a paper and pen project entitled "Little Blue Book", the story of my alter ego and favorite invented character, Lacy Burrows. I shall elaborate later, because I think it's worth elaborating on:)
I am working out the odds and ends in numerous storylines whilst I am without a working writing base. I would continue everything on paper, but I have no recollection whatsoever of where I've left off in ANY of them, thus can't continue a single novel. *Sigh*. Oh the sorrows of a Megan Brittany:)


CHURCH...

Our new church is AMAZING. I really can't put into words how much I love it there. We ((the youth group)) just recently went on the annual Summer Camp trip to Myrtle Beach, SC from Sunday to Friday last week. Lemme tell you, that was one of the most AMAZING weeks of my life. I will NEVER EVER forget it:) I was sociable for once ((haha)), and made a few new friends. But most importantly, I learned new things that will really help me in my walk with God, now and the rest of my life:) Again, that's worth elaborating on, so I'll give every detail I can at a later time.


TRAVELING...

I am currently typing from my grandparent's PC in Pennsylvania. My dad is in a wedding up here tomorrow, so we're here till tomorrow night.
Which reminds me ...
We have to be back for church on Sunday because Renee plays percussion ((sp?)) in the church orchestra, and has to be there for the concert. Alas, I did not get a solo for the YPAC musical all those months ago ((darnnnn!)) but it was still beautiful and amazing:) Renee is currently pulling strings to get me in the orchestra too as her backup percussion person, because the girl who currently does it is ... well ... she's ticking everyone off haha. I'm really kinda hoping that I get in, cause I really think that would be amazing!:D


FAMILY...

Well ... not a single one is perfect, right?:) We've had our ups and downs, but as of now, my parents are still together, my sister is home, and I am pretty content with life at the moment:)


LOVE...

Oh dear. Haha. I knew I had to get to this eventually.
What can I say? I really am head over heels. I can't even control it anymore. Sure, every so often, I'll see someone in a movie or somewhere else and think ''oo, he's CUTE!:D'', but when I get home at the end of the day, and I'm laying there in bed thinking about all the cuties ((haha!)), I still smile widest when I think of Sam. He's been my best friend for what seems like a lifetime ... and we could be best friends forever ... but I realize now that I'll always feel this way about him. It's unavoidable at this rate. Completely unaviodable.
And, oddly enough ...
I'm okay with that:)
We haven't really talked about it, and I've only seen him once, at Renee's graduation sign-up. That was one of the most awkward moments of my life. We both just sort of stood and stared at our feet. When they all went to sign Renee in, we stayed back, and never even talked. I'll be honest, at first I freaked out, thinking that he never wanted to speak to me again, but then I realized that we'd been talking briefly before that, and it must have had the same effect on him that it did on me when we actually SAW each other for the first time since I told him that I love him.
Haha. That's sort of funny to type. But not in a bad way. Haha. Not at ALL. I love him.
Haha.
I love Sam.
HAHA!
What is WRONG with me?!
HA!


MUSIC...

I'm still writing songs, and actually, during Summer Camp, there's a talent show on Thursday night, and I sang one of my songs during it. When someone FINALLY gets it on Facebook, I'll see if I can upload it onto here so you all can see it:) My mom told me that she feels like the mom of a rockstar because so many people from church were telling her how awesome I was. I personally don't think it was THAT good, but that's what everyone keeps telling me. Haha. I MIGHT EVEN BE A ROCKSTAAR! I MIGHT EVEN BE A ROCKSTAAAAAAAR! <--- that's SILLY. XD


FRIENDS...

I still have all of my besties:) I love them all more than they will EVAHH know:) oh, and if you still comment and have been following me all this time, I shall consider you the coolest person in the world. No joke. Haha:) I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:DDD
I have a few new friends too, so I'm feeling somewhat more sociable than shy, which is how everyone sees me. That makes me happyy:)


THEND...

If I think of anything else to update you on, I will post it with no delay:) ((unless of course someone is on the computer already ... haha:)))

p.s. - FRIEND REQUEST ME ON FACEBOOK:DD:: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=566555863&ref=name
make sure to add a personal message saying who you be ((e.g.- hey it's blahblahblahh from Blogger:))) ... I don't do stalkerss;)

LOVE YA!!!

peacee:)outtt

~ MeGaN
<33 XDD

not dead QUITE yet:)

Okay, so I didn't die or disappear into thin air or anything:)

Just letting you know that. Hahaha

I'll elaborate later:)

LOVE YA!

~ MeGaN
<33 XD

"Well Meg, either way, your initials would be MBM ..."

Haha ... Hannah said that earlier today ... please don't ask xD

Sooooo super quick update:

- Sam and I had an email conversation like nothing ever happened. Yay!
- This fact brings me joy and a smidgen of sadness
- April 21st was the one year anniversary of Jeremy emailing me and telling me he likes me
- I don't care at all about the above statement. YAY!!!!
- My choir concert is this Sunday
- I am super nervous but even more excited
- I will most likely have a dream about tripping and falling off the stage Saturday night
- My mom is going to have me do singing lessons this summer
- My closet is a mess haha
- I know that I love someone with my whole heart <33 =) ahhh yesss
- I am currently blaring Paramore and BarlowGirl. Wo-ow. xD
- And I love youuu!! =D

loveee
MeGaN!
<33 xD

House arrest

People of the world, I implore you ... if you have a social life, KEEP YOUR ROOMS CLEAN!!!!!

I am under house arrest. Ugh.

But that's okay ... get everything done and I can do stuff.

Yay!

Cause I really wanna be able to go to dance class. And not jinx anything. Muahaha.

So I should get offline before I get into any more trouble ...

loveee
MeGaN! <33 xD

Crazier

*INSERT PICTURE HERE*

I LOOOOOOOVE Taylor Swift's song "Crazier"!!! The only problem? There's no one to waltz with =( ahhh well. Leaves more room for daydreaming. =)

So yes, I learned a very important life lesson this week ... when a wire refuses to come out of the back of your computer tower ... do NOT pull on it until it does.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I broke my computer.

YIKES!!!

But that's okayyy ... thankfully, my dad works with someone who is a computer guru, so he's gonna see if he can fix it for me.

Yay!

Cause I miss it something awful. I haven't been able to write anything in about a week ... *SHOCK!*

I might not make it. Haha

I don't write with pen and paper, cause then I'm only going to have to type it onto my computer anyways, cause no one in the universe can read my terrible handwriting. Which is one of the reasons why typing things and then having your friend print them out and give them to the person they are addressed to is a loverly option. =)

Hehe.

But I have resolved to the evils of the pen-and-paper world in order to try and complete Script Frenzy. The script is pretty awesome so far ... I honestly didn't think it would be this easy. The only downfall? I can't share it with anyone without sitting here for about an hour typing it onto my blog. =( blehhhhh.

Plus. I want a cookie. And we have no cookies. xO

Oh the woes of the dayyy.

But that's okay ... Heidi and I had to cancel last week's ice cream adventure (haha), but we rescheduled it for today. I'm really excited for that!!!

Renee turns 18 on Monday!!!! There'll be a special post here that day for zat, so check it outtt!!

Ooo. And I think it's funny how the other night at church this random dude introduced himself to me and smiled a lot. Bwaha. That was so Jeremy-ish I almost didn't make it.

But that's okayyyyyyyyyyy. I'm on hold. And happy about it. =D

Blog ya laterr!!

loveee
MeGaN!
<33 xD

Relief

God, I trust You

Go ahead
Take what You want to
Take what You need to
Don't let me hold You back ...

Those are Fireflight's lyrics, not mine! =)

So the relief is knowing that the world is still spinning ... haha. And that even if it were to stop, I'd still be okay. I'm no longer stressing (not like I was stressing to begin with ... psh ... =) ) ... just waiting I guess. By the way, the song is "Go Ahead" by Fireflight, and I LOOOOOOVE it! Those words struck me, and, at least in the secret that's no longer a secret department, they stuck with me, and those words are the theme song of those moments when I second-guess myself.

Plus, I have theories, which will remain unsaid until further notice. =)


Thanks for sticking with me through my nearly-unbearable and slightly mental craziness. =)

loveeeee,
MeGaN! <33>

Anxiety

The picture really has nothing to do with the post ... I was looking for something different on Flickr, and I found this ... I love it!

So last night was okay ... I wasn't as social as I wanted to be, but everyone had a friend, and it felt rude of me to just walk up and start talking to them when they're talking about stuff they did last year ... yeah. Kinda awkward. And then when I was actually invited to do stuff personally, I held back. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just hoping that my mom will say yes to the other sleepover, cause I need to be around people I know for a change. That'd be nice.

The dreams pursue. Renee putting in her Carrie Underwood CD didn't help much ... Just A Dream was the last song I wanted to hear. I don't know. So many things I wish I could look ahead and see what's going to happen.

For example ... the random thing I did yesterday is rushing at me at the speed of light. Good golly. I didn't think I would have this much anxiety as to what happens next. Or maybe that's fear ...

Either or, I feel slightly sick.

Ah, how I always pictured the random scenarios ... definitely not like how it actually happened. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea ... but I honestly don't think it was mine. I have no idea why I decided to do it, or why I went this route, or much of anything, to be blank.

And maybe it's time to wrap this post up before I say anything else as a random side note that could alter the course of my future. =)

loveee

MeGaN! <33>

A secret that's not really a secret

I am SOOOO not completely honoring my decision not to date. Well, technically I am, but this isn't helping, exactly. I just can't think around it. It's always been there, always waiting for me, I suppose. GOSHHHH.

Whenever I picture myself with someone, I think of one person. And I can't think around that one person. Just him. No one else.

But let's put this into perspective, shall we? ... What if he doesn't feel the same way, and I've been imagining things from the start? What if there's someone else out there? Or worse ... what if he finds someone else?

Grrr.

Okay. Then I guess my life wouldn't END ... I mean, it'd be fine, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

Now let's switch that around. What if, in thinking on the mindset that there's no way that he likes me back, he actually DOES, and thinks that I don't like him, and moves on?! UGHHHH.

I guess the best thing to do would be to just ... tell him and see what happens? Maybe he already knows ... I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out. I'm just paranoid of losing him, cause he means SO MUCH to me ... gersh. This is a win-lose situation, in which winning and losing would both mean everything.

Which leads me to the point ... I'm just gonna do it. And be brave. Definitely brave. And whatever he says is what happens next. No matter what, I NEVER want to lose him as a friend. I'd settle for just that and fight off liking him for the rest of time if that's what he wanted me to do. And I'd live ... that would just mean that there's someone else out there, just waiting for me, just like I'd be waiting for him.

Okay. It comes down to this.

Rachel, this is where you come in ... Wednesday night. Just let him read this. And I apologize ... this is soooooo weird-awkward-yikes-ish. But I don't think I can keep this all inside for much longer. That's just what happens when a girl tries to contain a whole buncha love. She bursts. And she regrets it, but she bursts. And she kinda wanted to tell him face to face, but is too much of a chicken. Yupp. There. I said it. I like you. A lot. I mean, I think I love you. Well, I don't think. I know. No matter what. Yupp. Me. Megan.

See? That wasn't so hard .... *talking to myself*

Haha.

Wow.

Just like that.

Yupp.

I type weird things when I get nervous. I also hiccup ... I don't know why, I just do.

And just like that *snaps fingers*, five years of secrecy down the drain. Wahooo! That's a lift off my shoulders ...

Geez, am I being insensitive. Now I've just either blown it big time, and he never wants to speak to me again, or he's gone into shocked and being rushed to the hospital, or possibly skipping around in a circle singing.

...

Yepp, we're gonna go with #2. Oh dang. Look what I've done!

Okay. Now it's done. If I have anything more to say, well ... it's coming up here later, believe me.

peace and loveee

MeGaN! <33>

(cannot believe what she's just done xO)

I hate calling people =P

Okay, so I lost the paper saying when and where the sleepover is tonight, and now I have to call and ask when and where so I know where to go and when to show up ... ugh.

I'm really nervous. And having dreams in which I leave my bag of clothes and stuff at the house didn't exactly help. I don't know why ... I mean, they're just a bunch of girls my age. Why should I be nervous? I'd like to think that I can fit in if I try ... maybe it's because I haven't been to a sleepover in a while. I don't know.

Plus, I had a dream about Sam last night.

One moment we were sitting on his front porch talking, just about normal, random stuff, and then we were in the same class at college (and him sitting in front of me was highly distracting, like an Edward-Bella kind of thing), and then we were graduating, and then I was in this airport looking for him, but instead I saw a bunch of army officials carrying this flag, and they handed it to me and told me that he was dead.

Ouch. That didn't help either.

I hate it how I try to ignore stuff, but then my dreams give it right back to me. UGH. It really isn't helping my sick-to-the-stomach feeling. I have no idea why I'm being so weird about everything. I just ... am.

I'm really looking forward to later this afternoon though. All I need is my mom's permission, and then me and Heidi (my friend from CHBC) are gonna go and get ice cream and hang out for a while. I'm hoping that'll calm me down, cause as of right now, I'm a wreck.

I considered emailing Sam and telling him about my dream but ... how do you word something like that? I don't want anything to be weird between us, but it feels like anything that I say to him lately might make things weird or uncomfortable. I'm scared to death of losing him if I say something. But ... if I don't say something, will I end up losing him?

Yikes. I never thought of it that way.

I think I'll distract myself with piano. That makes me feel better, to a degree. =)

peace and lovee

MeGaN! <33>

La la la la .... 

I am a terrible, horrible, heartless human being for being so busy and NOT BLOGGING FOR WEEKS!!!!!!!!!! So naturally, I've got a couple things to ramble about. =)

So I figured out today that an email from a good friend as soon as you wake up is an essential to starting off a great day ... and anyone who knows me well enough knows that that is code for "I sent Sam an email last night just saying hey and that I miss him and he replied with this gigantic bold, underlined, italicized HI with a bunch of exclamation points". Hehehe. I kept laughing ... and Renee asked me what drug I was on. I refrained from saying what I was thinking. Hehe.

This weekend is a girl's night sleepover for all the 9th and 10th grade girls in my new youth group ... and I'm kinda nervous, cause I know all of them, but only some of them really know me. I'm beyond thankful for the AWESOME friend I've made though! That's a complete plus.

And I'm thinking of changing up my blog ... what do you think? =) I'll probably have it all done by the time someone reads this anyways ... lol

AHHH! I forgot to mention TWILIGHT! It was amazing again ... Renee went out and bought it the day it came out, and then all of us sat and watched it. Awesomeness!!! (Speaking of ... Rachel's probably watched it without me lol!)

Teen Game Night was two weeks ago. (AHHH IT'S ALREADY BEEN TWO WEEKS!!!! xO) Gosh, I just realized that I'm so weak ... haha. It was fun and a bit weird ... for the sake of my sanity, I won't try to explain the weirdness. But the fun was nice. Ahh yess, the fun. =) The only downer was that it was raining, so we had to stay inside. Oh well ... I love the rain anyways! But I did have my life "threatened" if I don't come to dance class ... haha, thanks Mary. =)

Aaaaand, I'm FINALLY getting a job this summer! I'll let you know when that is ... I can't wait!!! So if you happen to be in Chester, Virginia, come and see me!!! Haha

So I think that's everything ... I'm gonna have to work out a blogging schedule for myself haha ... laterr!!

Peace outtt

MeGaN! <33>