I hate calling people =P

Okay, so I lost the paper saying when and where the sleepover is tonight, and now I have to call and ask when and where so I know where to go and when to show up ... ugh.

I'm really nervous. And having dreams in which I leave my bag of clothes and stuff at the house didn't exactly help. I don't know why ... I mean, they're just a bunch of girls my age. Why should I be nervous? I'd like to think that I can fit in if I try ... maybe it's because I haven't been to a sleepover in a while. I don't know.

Plus, I had a dream about Sam last night.

One moment we were sitting on his front porch talking, just about normal, random stuff, and then we were in the same class at college (and him sitting in front of me was highly distracting, like an Edward-Bella kind of thing), and then we were graduating, and then I was in this airport looking for him, but instead I saw a bunch of army officials carrying this flag, and they handed it to me and told me that he was dead.

Ouch. That didn't help either.

I hate it how I try to ignore stuff, but then my dreams give it right back to me. UGH. It really isn't helping my sick-to-the-stomach feeling. I have no idea why I'm being so weird about everything. I just ... am.

I'm really looking forward to later this afternoon though. All I need is my mom's permission, and then me and Heidi (my friend from CHBC) are gonna go and get ice cream and hang out for a while. I'm hoping that'll calm me down, cause as of right now, I'm a wreck.

I considered emailing Sam and telling him about my dream but ... how do you word something like that? I don't want anything to be weird between us, but it feels like anything that I say to him lately might make things weird or uncomfortable. I'm scared to death of losing him if I say something. But ... if I don't say something, will I end up losing him?

Yikes. I never thought of it that way.

I think I'll distract myself with piano. That makes me feel better, to a degree. =)

peace and lovee

MeGaN! <33>