A secret that's not really a secret

I am SOOOO not completely honoring my decision not to date. Well, technically I am, but this isn't helping, exactly. I just can't think around it. It's always been there, always waiting for me, I suppose. GOSHHHH.

Whenever I picture myself with someone, I think of one person. And I can't think around that one person. Just him. No one else.

But let's put this into perspective, shall we? ... What if he doesn't feel the same way, and I've been imagining things from the start? What if there's someone else out there? Or worse ... what if he finds someone else?

Grrr.

Okay. Then I guess my life wouldn't END ... I mean, it'd be fine, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

Now let's switch that around. What if, in thinking on the mindset that there's no way that he likes me back, he actually DOES, and thinks that I don't like him, and moves on?! UGHHHH.

I guess the best thing to do would be to just ... tell him and see what happens? Maybe he already knows ... I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out. I'm just paranoid of losing him, cause he means SO MUCH to me ... gersh. This is a win-lose situation, in which winning and losing would both mean everything.

Which leads me to the point ... I'm just gonna do it. And be brave. Definitely brave. And whatever he says is what happens next. No matter what, I NEVER want to lose him as a friend. I'd settle for just that and fight off liking him for the rest of time if that's what he wanted me to do. And I'd live ... that would just mean that there's someone else out there, just waiting for me, just like I'd be waiting for him.

Okay. It comes down to this.

Rachel, this is where you come in ... Wednesday night. Just let him read this. And I apologize ... this is soooooo weird-awkward-yikes-ish. But I don't think I can keep this all inside for much longer. That's just what happens when a girl tries to contain a whole buncha love. She bursts. And she regrets it, but she bursts. And she kinda wanted to tell him face to face, but is too much of a chicken. Yupp. There. I said it. I like you. A lot. I mean, I think I love you. Well, I don't think. I know. No matter what. Yupp. Me. Megan.

See? That wasn't so hard .... *talking to myself*

Haha.

Wow.

Just like that.

Yupp.

I type weird things when I get nervous. I also hiccup ... I don't know why, I just do.

And just like that *snaps fingers*, five years of secrecy down the drain. Wahooo! That's a lift off my shoulders ...

Geez, am I being insensitive. Now I've just either blown it big time, and he never wants to speak to me again, or he's gone into shocked and being rushed to the hospital, or possibly skipping around in a circle singing.

...

Yepp, we're gonna go with #2. Oh dang. Look what I've done!

Okay. Now it's done. If I have anything more to say, well ... it's coming up here later, believe me.

peace and loveee

MeGaN! <33>

(cannot believe what she's just done xO)