Crazier

*INSERT PICTURE HERE*

I LOOOOOOOVE Taylor Swift's song "Crazier"!!! The only problem? There's no one to waltz with =( ahhh well. Leaves more room for daydreaming. =)

So yes, I learned a very important life lesson this week ... when a wire refuses to come out of the back of your computer tower ... do NOT pull on it until it does.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I broke my computer.

YIKES!!!

But that's okayyy ... thankfully, my dad works with someone who is a computer guru, so he's gonna see if he can fix it for me.

Yay!

Cause I miss it something awful. I haven't been able to write anything in about a week ... *SHOCK!*

I might not make it. Haha

I don't write with pen and paper, cause then I'm only going to have to type it onto my computer anyways, cause no one in the universe can read my terrible handwriting. Which is one of the reasons why typing things and then having your friend print them out and give them to the person they are addressed to is a loverly option. =)

Hehe.

But I have resolved to the evils of the pen-and-paper world in order to try and complete Script Frenzy. The script is pretty awesome so far ... I honestly didn't think it would be this easy. The only downfall? I can't share it with anyone without sitting here for about an hour typing it onto my blog. =( blehhhhh.

Plus. I want a cookie. And we have no cookies. xO

Oh the woes of the dayyy.

But that's okay ... Heidi and I had to cancel last week's ice cream adventure (haha), but we rescheduled it for today. I'm really excited for that!!!

Renee turns 18 on Monday!!!! There'll be a special post here that day for zat, so check it outtt!!

Ooo. And I think it's funny how the other night at church this random dude introduced himself to me and smiled a lot. Bwaha. That was so Jeremy-ish I almost didn't make it.

But that's okayyyyyyyyyyy. I'm on hold. And happy about it. =D

Blog ya laterr!!

loveee
MeGaN!
<33 xD

Relief

God, I trust You

Go ahead
Take what You want to
Take what You need to
Don't let me hold You back ...

Those are Fireflight's lyrics, not mine! =)

So the relief is knowing that the world is still spinning ... haha. And that even if it were to stop, I'd still be okay. I'm no longer stressing (not like I was stressing to begin with ... psh ... =) ) ... just waiting I guess. By the way, the song is "Go Ahead" by Fireflight, and I LOOOOOOVE it! Those words struck me, and, at least in the secret that's no longer a secret department, they stuck with me, and those words are the theme song of those moments when I second-guess myself.

Plus, I have theories, which will remain unsaid until further notice. =)


Thanks for sticking with me through my nearly-unbearable and slightly mental craziness. =)

loveeeee,
MeGaN! <33>

Anxiety

The picture really has nothing to do with the post ... I was looking for something different on Flickr, and I found this ... I love it!

So last night was okay ... I wasn't as social as I wanted to be, but everyone had a friend, and it felt rude of me to just walk up and start talking to them when they're talking about stuff they did last year ... yeah. Kinda awkward. And then when I was actually invited to do stuff personally, I held back. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just hoping that my mom will say yes to the other sleepover, cause I need to be around people I know for a change. That'd be nice.

The dreams pursue. Renee putting in her Carrie Underwood CD didn't help much ... Just A Dream was the last song I wanted to hear. I don't know. So many things I wish I could look ahead and see what's going to happen.

For example ... the random thing I did yesterday is rushing at me at the speed of light. Good golly. I didn't think I would have this much anxiety as to what happens next. Or maybe that's fear ...

Either or, I feel slightly sick.

Ah, how I always pictured the random scenarios ... definitely not like how it actually happened. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea ... but I honestly don't think it was mine. I have no idea why I decided to do it, or why I went this route, or much of anything, to be blank.

And maybe it's time to wrap this post up before I say anything else as a random side note that could alter the course of my future. =)

loveee

MeGaN! <33>

A secret that's not really a secret

I am SOOOO not completely honoring my decision not to date. Well, technically I am, but this isn't helping, exactly. I just can't think around it. It's always been there, always waiting for me, I suppose. GOSHHHH.

Whenever I picture myself with someone, I think of one person. And I can't think around that one person. Just him. No one else.

But let's put this into perspective, shall we? ... What if he doesn't feel the same way, and I've been imagining things from the start? What if there's someone else out there? Or worse ... what if he finds someone else?

Grrr.

Okay. Then I guess my life wouldn't END ... I mean, it'd be fine, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

Now let's switch that around. What if, in thinking on the mindset that there's no way that he likes me back, he actually DOES, and thinks that I don't like him, and moves on?! UGHHHH.

I guess the best thing to do would be to just ... tell him and see what happens? Maybe he already knows ... I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out. I'm just paranoid of losing him, cause he means SO MUCH to me ... gersh. This is a win-lose situation, in which winning and losing would both mean everything.

Which leads me to the point ... I'm just gonna do it. And be brave. Definitely brave. And whatever he says is what happens next. No matter what, I NEVER want to lose him as a friend. I'd settle for just that and fight off liking him for the rest of time if that's what he wanted me to do. And I'd live ... that would just mean that there's someone else out there, just waiting for me, just like I'd be waiting for him.

Okay. It comes down to this.

Rachel, this is where you come in ... Wednesday night. Just let him read this. And I apologize ... this is soooooo weird-awkward-yikes-ish. But I don't think I can keep this all inside for much longer. That's just what happens when a girl tries to contain a whole buncha love. She bursts. And she regrets it, but she bursts. And she kinda wanted to tell him face to face, but is too much of a chicken. Yupp. There. I said it. I like you. A lot. I mean, I think I love you. Well, I don't think. I know. No matter what. Yupp. Me. Megan.

See? That wasn't so hard .... *talking to myself*

Haha.

Wow.

Just like that.

Yupp.

I type weird things when I get nervous. I also hiccup ... I don't know why, I just do.

And just like that *snaps fingers*, five years of secrecy down the drain. Wahooo! That's a lift off my shoulders ...

Geez, am I being insensitive. Now I've just either blown it big time, and he never wants to speak to me again, or he's gone into shocked and being rushed to the hospital, or possibly skipping around in a circle singing.

...

Yepp, we're gonna go with #2. Oh dang. Look what I've done!

Okay. Now it's done. If I have anything more to say, well ... it's coming up here later, believe me.

peace and loveee

MeGaN! <33>

(cannot believe what she's just done xO)

I hate calling people =P

Okay, so I lost the paper saying when and where the sleepover is tonight, and now I have to call and ask when and where so I know where to go and when to show up ... ugh.

I'm really nervous. And having dreams in which I leave my bag of clothes and stuff at the house didn't exactly help. I don't know why ... I mean, they're just a bunch of girls my age. Why should I be nervous? I'd like to think that I can fit in if I try ... maybe it's because I haven't been to a sleepover in a while. I don't know.

Plus, I had a dream about Sam last night.

One moment we were sitting on his front porch talking, just about normal, random stuff, and then we were in the same class at college (and him sitting in front of me was highly distracting, like an Edward-Bella kind of thing), and then we were graduating, and then I was in this airport looking for him, but instead I saw a bunch of army officials carrying this flag, and they handed it to me and told me that he was dead.

Ouch. That didn't help either.

I hate it how I try to ignore stuff, but then my dreams give it right back to me. UGH. It really isn't helping my sick-to-the-stomach feeling. I have no idea why I'm being so weird about everything. I just ... am.

I'm really looking forward to later this afternoon though. All I need is my mom's permission, and then me and Heidi (my friend from CHBC) are gonna go and get ice cream and hang out for a while. I'm hoping that'll calm me down, cause as of right now, I'm a wreck.

I considered emailing Sam and telling him about my dream but ... how do you word something like that? I don't want anything to be weird between us, but it feels like anything that I say to him lately might make things weird or uncomfortable. I'm scared to death of losing him if I say something. But ... if I don't say something, will I end up losing him?

Yikes. I never thought of it that way.

I think I'll distract myself with piano. That makes me feel better, to a degree. =)

peace and lovee

MeGaN! <33>

La la la la .... 

I am a terrible, horrible, heartless human being for being so busy and NOT BLOGGING FOR WEEKS!!!!!!!!!! So naturally, I've got a couple things to ramble about. =)

So I figured out today that an email from a good friend as soon as you wake up is an essential to starting off a great day ... and anyone who knows me well enough knows that that is code for "I sent Sam an email last night just saying hey and that I miss him and he replied with this gigantic bold, underlined, italicized HI with a bunch of exclamation points". Hehehe. I kept laughing ... and Renee asked me what drug I was on. I refrained from saying what I was thinking. Hehe.

This weekend is a girl's night sleepover for all the 9th and 10th grade girls in my new youth group ... and I'm kinda nervous, cause I know all of them, but only some of them really know me. I'm beyond thankful for the AWESOME friend I've made though! That's a complete plus.

And I'm thinking of changing up my blog ... what do you think? =) I'll probably have it all done by the time someone reads this anyways ... lol

AHHH! I forgot to mention TWILIGHT! It was amazing again ... Renee went out and bought it the day it came out, and then all of us sat and watched it. Awesomeness!!! (Speaking of ... Rachel's probably watched it without me lol!)

Teen Game Night was two weeks ago. (AHHH IT'S ALREADY BEEN TWO WEEKS!!!! xO) Gosh, I just realized that I'm so weak ... haha. It was fun and a bit weird ... for the sake of my sanity, I won't try to explain the weirdness. But the fun was nice. Ahh yess, the fun. =) The only downer was that it was raining, so we had to stay inside. Oh well ... I love the rain anyways! But I did have my life "threatened" if I don't come to dance class ... haha, thanks Mary. =)

Aaaaand, I'm FINALLY getting a job this summer! I'll let you know when that is ... I can't wait!!! So if you happen to be in Chester, Virginia, come and see me!!! Haha

So I think that's everything ... I'm gonna have to work out a blogging schedule for myself haha ... laterr!!

Peace outtt

MeGaN! <33>

Kwiz timeee!

I got this quiz off Rachel's blog ... copy and paste it on yours if you feel like quizzing! =D

What is a quote you think describes you? "I've built a wall. Not to block anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it." - Unknown

What song lyrics describe you at your best? "I met this girl who likes her heavy metal ..." xD

At your worst? "It's 2AM, feeling like I just lost a friend, Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me ..."

What phrase do people say to you a lot? The German phrase for "what is this?" ... I don't know how to spell it, but for some reason, I say it a lot. Haha

Which family member are you closest to? Not sure

Favorite type of music? Rock/Metal

If you had a choice to look into the future, would you do it? Nope, cause, knowing me, I'd do something to mess it all up. =)

What’s your favorite color? Blue, but red comes in a super close second.

Do you have a secret? Who doesn't?

What is your pet peeve? When people tap me on the shoulder. That bothers me for some unknown reason.

Who is are your closest friends? Sam, Rachel, Lindsay, Heidi, all my PGCC friends, all my friends outside of church, all my Blogger friends, and YOU! =D

What is your favorite thing to do? Make people smile.

Describe yourself in one word. Unique. =)

What makes you feel small? When I think I did good with something or I feel really good about something I did, and the person I'm trying to please isn't satisfied with it.

What was your favorite childhood memory? How long ago are we talking? 5 years ago, when I was 10 years old, sitting on my uncle and aunt's basement stairs with Mary, trying to bust two of my cousins who were trying to scare my younger cousins. That was soo much fun! That was also the first time I ever saw Sam ... =)

Do you keep a journal? I feel all Taylor Swift-y when I say that my songs ARE my journal. Those and basically anything I write. To get to know me, just read on. =)

What’s your favorite after school snack? Cookies!

What is something you’ve always wanted to try, but never did? Do I have to say? =) Weeeell, that'd be give someone something that I've had locked up in my desk for five years.

Who was your first crush? Real or imaginary? OK, let's go with real ... and anyone with a brain can figure that one out ... muahahahahahaha.

What are five things you couldn’t live without? God, my family, my friends, my memory, and music. They are the center of my world. =)

Peace & luvv
~ MeGaN
<33 xD