2009ness

Okay, I know, I know ... I haven't posted since LAST YEAR!!!! xO Wellllll ... a lot has been going on, actually ...

So far 2009 ain't so hot. But hey, it's just beginning, so there's plenty of time for awesomeness. =)

I don't do New Years resolutions, cause I never complete them, but since 12AM January 1st, I've made a big desicion. One that I wasn't counting on, but I feel strongly about. And unless God tells me otherwise, I'm sticking to it.

I am going to become an "Average Girl". Okay, I know what you're thinking: "Megan, what does that mean?" Well, I kinda used the title to an awesome Barlow Girl song called "Average Girl", that they wrote about their stand on not dating.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I, Megan, vow to not date.

"How are you going to do that Megan?"

Well, I'm just gonna live my life normally, as I've always tried to. And when the right guy comes along, I trust that I'll know when the time is right. I just don't see the point in being hurt anymore. I can't deal with pain. And losing someone that I truly and honestly love every month or so is something that I just can't do.

So that's my big decision. Like I said, unless God tells me that I am supposed to date a guy (and I mean GOD tells me this time, not MEGAN tells me this time!) I am from this moment on, and average girl. Love me or hate me ... the choice is yours. =)

Soooo. 2009. Wow. I think I'll make this simple and weigh out the pros and cons of 09 ...

YAY:

- Might be going to the movies on a "group date" this Sunday with some of my friends ... and Sam might be there =)

- (Looking ahead on this one, buuuut) I start driving in the summer!

ICK:

- I realized the other day that Renee graduates this year, and that makes me depressed to think about, cause I don't know how much longer she'll be with me! =(

- This Saturday, it will be exactly two months since I saw Sam ... I miss him like CRAZYYYYYYYYYYY

To be completely honest with you, I can't think of anything else. I feel like a fish ... FLIP! I'm okay ... FLOP! I'm not okay ... FLIP! Something awesome happens ... FLOP! Something horrible happens that makes me forget about the happy thing that just happened. And not like a fish that's near water that it can just flip right back in ... NOOOOOO ... a fish that's in the middle of the Sahara desert and has no where to flip or flop! And this fish is lo-ost if it's in the desert! Cause it is! And it's lonely!

But what if something happened that SHOULD make the fish feel like it's just been sent to a restaurant, but really, it puts it back in the water?

Okay, enough with the fish already.

What if something happened that I feel like I should feel like crap, but really, it's basically cured me and let me let go FINALLY of the stupid stuff I've been holding onto for months? And what if that involved ... oh, let's see ... just pullin' something random out of the blue here (where IS "the blue" anyways? Is that like the ocean or something? AHH ... NOT BACK TO FISH!) ... mayyybeee it has to do with ... mmm ... Jeremy getting married AND NOT TELLING ME?!?!?!!?

Haha. Yeah.

And I should feel like complete CRAP over it but, in all honesty, I don't. I actually feel ... OKAY ... about this. It's totally fine. And when I say "I don't care", I actually MEAN it, not like I just say it to cover the obvious fact that I do care ... cause I just ... don't. And that's new for me. I finally just let go, and I cannot BEGIN to tell you how free I feel!!!! I'm free to make a new start, to just forget everything and start all over. And that feels really good.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was one of the bestest days in the world, but you'll have to see the next post, cause I wanna make a special one! =D

Sunday we started a new Bible study based around the Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying". All morbid-ness aside, what if you were going to die at the end of this month? What would you do differently? Would anything change? What would you spend the rest of the month doing?

I have vowed to live like I was dying. Not just in January, but in EVERY month of the year. Because it's really important, and I think that has a lot to do with the whole "letting go and not caring at all" thing ... it's not my job to say anything at all, or know anything at all, or take any action whatsoever ... and now I'm gonna live like I was dying. Cause, well, I am. Every day it comes closer. I don't know when or how ... but all I know is that when it does happen, I wanna know that I lived like every day was my last.

And THAT is my one and only New Years resolution ... to live like I was dying. And if it comes that easy, then there should be no trouble keeping this one.

Loooovers you all!! =D

~ MeGaN

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